Finn The Conqueror

More of One's Humble Servants

2006-09-05T00:45:00.000-04:00

Check out this fella. He's a little slow and a lot scary but we like to have him sing for us while covered in black and white face paint. His name is Gene.

This Tribble is called Morf. We thought he was a hair ball that someone had coughed up until he squeaked. Now we make him clean the floor. Cute ain't he?

Grumpy

2006-08-30T17:38:00.000-04:00

Grumpy the (British) Conqueror.

One is most amused.

Finn Almighty has a Family

2006-08-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

One bets you're all wondering what a fine, royal specimen like myself does for friends and family? OOOH you are, admit it! Let me introduce one's family. The little fluffy ball of evil you have already met, however here are some of one's other "homies".

Firstly, this is Uncle Junior, though we just call him Junior. He lives in LA and is my West coast homey. He takes care of feline affairs for the western U.S. When he's not taking long naps after reading the LA Times that is... WAKE UP JUNIOR!

Then there is my half brother, Mo in England. Mo takes care of midland English affairs and keeping gardens birds, mice and frog free. He likes to cuddle with the humanthings also but it's just a ploy to hide his true killer nature. This is Mo the Killer.

This little fierce beast is my step-sister and she goes by the cute, unassuming name of "Smudge". However don't let her innocent features and furry purring, leg rubbing fool you. She runs "The Feline Nottingham Mob" and if you cross her, you will sleep with the fishes.

One's second step sister, Jess, is a decoy planted by the Feline Mafia of England to spy on the humanthings. She climbs all over them, sits in their laps and does all gooey, cuddly, kitten things to draw them into her cunning web. Think she's sitting there for the hell of it, humanthings? No! She was planting a microchip in your lap that can read your mind. Yes, it's true.

These are only a few of one's vast family members. One thinks you're starting to see what you're up against, humanthings!

An Obvious Statement

2006-08-28T23:21:00.000-04:00

Well! One concurs quite strongly. Be sure to stroke your pussy today.

Or Finn the Conqueror will get you.

Meet the Tard

2006-08-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

This is a young feline helper of Finn the Conqueror. We call him Eric Cartman as he is fat and retarded and really quite mean. We like to laugh at him.

You are permitted to laugh. Eric Cartman is silly looking.

Bruises

2006-08-25T21:45:00.000-04:00

Even a great Conqueror can not rule a nation alone. One must have a cohort, a second in command. A bully-boy who will stop at nothing to carry out the will of the Conqueror. Someone who will defend and attack on command.

Have something naughty you wish to say about the Conqueror? Meet Bruises. My right hand, feline enforcer and executioner.

Tell him you want to mess with Finn Almighty. Go on, I dare you.

Pussywagon

2006-08-24T21:04:00.000-04:00

As ruler of the feline world, I, Finn the Conqueror, require transport in order to make my conquests. For this reason, one has commissioned a special royal vehicle. Should you see it in your neighborhood, do not attempt to touch with your grubby human hands.

Ring Ring!

2006-08-24T20:55:00.000-04:00

We all like to talk to our pussies now and then, no? Finn the Conqueror presents, "The Pussyphone". Talk in to the receiver and make it purrrrrr!

Dear oh Dear

2006-08-24T20:38:00.000-04:00

The Almighty Finn isn't sure who to be the most vexed with, the humansorts who shaved one of my pussies or my pussy for allowing such vandalism.

What is the world coming to?

One is Very Disappointed

2006-08-24T12:19:00.000-04:00

One thinks this lady needs to be slapped with a wet haddock. My feline subjects are entitled to drop their waste products wherever they feel necessary. And this human child will be awarded the medal of feline appreciation for his efforts to avenge the good name of his pussychum.

"JEANNETTE, Pa. -- Meow. A Pennsylvania judge is being asked to decide whether that word is a harmless taunt or grounds for misdemeanor harassment.

Police have charged a 14-year-old boy with that crime. Michael Loughner is accused of meowing whenever he sees his 78-year-old neighbor, Alexandria Carasia.

The boy's family got rid of their cat after Carasia complained that it was using her flower garden as a litter box. Now, she said, the boy makes meowing sounds every time he sees her."

Read about the atrocious, cranky, human female, here!

Snakes on a Pussylovin' Plane

2006-08-23T23:42:00.000-04:00

Really, if one is having a problem with reptiles on an aircraft, one should get a cat. Not like this cat, however, this cat is stew-pid.

Where is the dignity?

Nice Try, Meow Gibson

2006-08-23T23:31:00.001-04:00

Is that really you, Mel Gibson? I hardly recognized your cranky, old, gin-soaked, Jew-hating self! I really thought you were a feline! Well done!

Some humans will do anything to escape the Paw-parazzi!

Behold the Tiny Evil Thing

2006-08-23T23:13:00.000-04:00

You see this, here?

Oh yes, it may look all fluffy and cute to you, however, it is a little ball of pure, unadulterated evil, who once threatened to take over my kingdom with its adorability. But, I showed it who was boss. I told it, "Tiny evil ball of filth, you are a second class citizen in the kingdom of Finn The Conqueror, however, so long as you remember your place, you shall be allowed to continue living!"

It was a touch miffed at first, but it got used to it. The humansorts seem to like it enough. Its name is "Spike" but they mysteriously call it strange things like "sweetheart" and "cutie-pie" (shudder!). It can't fool the Almighty Finn the Conqueror however, I know it has evil in its, cold, hard, black little soul.

It's a good bit bigger than this nowadays and thankfully, quite fat! Annoyingly, the humansorts still seem to enjoy it, despite this. I occasionally use it to do my evil bidding, even though it sometimes shows will of its own by slapping my tooshie as I march royally past on my way to my boudoir. This action is punishable by the Feline Death Grip. It will learn. Oh yesssss....

Eatings and Salutations

2006-08-23T23:07:00.000-04:00

Loyal subjects!

Beasts and mice beware. My hunger is evident and my will is strong. You will be lunch if you do not serve your master, the Almighty Finn the Conqueror, ruler of Mouseville and of all this land. George Double-Ewe Bush? I don't think so, do you? I will have the scruffy little Texan for my personal litter scooper. I will have him de-limb my afternoon snack of beetles. I will have him prepare my boudoir for my furry, royal head to lay down and nap.

You have no say.

Continue.